Anyone Up For Some McNuggets?

For two years I lived on fast food and anything that could be heated up in a toaster oven. Needless to say, svelte is not a word that comes to mind when I look in the mirror. When my position was terminated and it became clear I would not be able to move out this summer as planned, I finally held my breath and my cookbooks and went downstairs to the kitchen.

This afternoon was a reminder as to why I didn't venture down there to begin with.

Granny: "Are you making hamburgers?"

Me: "I'm not making hamburgers."

Granny: "I like them with Romano cheese."

Me: "I'm not making hamburgers."

Granny: "They're so good with Romano cheese, Minnie down the street told me that."

Me: chopping onions..."Mmmhmmm."

Granny: proceeds to watch me chop said onion.

Me: waiting for direction as to how I should chop said onion, which surprisingly never comes, but makes me tense nevertheless, because I can sense the disapproval. This is usually where I cut myself, which surprisingly also doesn't happen. I pick up my specially selected, retro-style fruit printed flour sack kitchen towel, Crate & Barrel 95 cents.

Granny: "You should wipe your hands on a paper towel!"

Me: "I don't like paper towels." (I don't, especially the weird wet squishiness they get)

Granny: "Then you won't have to wash them!"

Me: holding 8 inch Forschner chef's knife in one hand, "I don't like paper towels!"

Granny: "Do you need a frying pan? There's frying pans in..."

Me: "I have a frying pan."

Granny: "Yeah, but you keep going up and down the stairs."

Me: brandishing large, Cooks Illustrated-approved stainless steel skillet, "I have it right here."

Granny: "There's a tunderstorm warning until 4:30."

Me: "Mmmmhmm."